This brave Mummy tells us how Reiki helped her through a very difficult time. She was happy to share it with us to help others feeling the same
This is my story of how I healed from post-natal anxiety and depression through Reiki and I hope this can help anyone else who is currently suffering to realise that they are not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it seems.
I first discovered Reiki during an intensely debilitating period of pre and post-natal anxiety and panic attacks. It began when I was around 6 months pregnant and stayed with me until my son was around 9 months old. It sounds ridiculous to say it now, but I never believed that I would be someone who would suffer with my mental health and it really hit me hard.
I was very lucky and despite my mental and emotional battles I was still able to bond with my son. I fell head over heels in love with him the moment I held him and for a few days I thought I was cured, but very soon I found that my love for him became another source of intense fear. Holding my fragile newborn in my arms I suddenly felt very vulnerable. Add in the torturous lack of sleep, the physical wounds of a c-section and the roller-coaster fluctuations of hormones and I found myself in a very dark place. I began having regular panic attacks about anything harmful happening to my son and developed obsessive thoughts and behaviours which in my mind were absolutely essential to keep my precious son safe, but that I can see now were delusional. It got to the point where I could barely see a way out and parts of my life started to fall apart. The small part of me that still recognised this delusion was desperately looking for anything that would help me get back to my normal self so that I could fully enjoy motherhood, free from fear.
I can’t explain why, but I knew that medicine was not right for me. Perhaps it was the increased intuition. I think medicine is wonderful, but it wasn’t going to deal with the root cause of my anxiety, only relieve the symptoms so I felt open to trying something ‘alternative’. From then on I kept seeing information about Reiki pop up everywhere. It got to the point where I got the hint. After doing some research I found an amazing Reiki master called Pauline, who I felt that intuitive connection to, so I booked myself a session at the Light Centre in London.
Reiki is an alternative healing practise that addresses blockages and imbalances in our energy field. That sounds a bit ‘out there’ but essentially it is just quantum physics! If you can get your head around it, Reiki works simply on the concept that we, as well as everything else in the universe, are made up of predominantly energy and not matter like we once believed. Reiki can be used to treat physical, emotional and mental health concerns as well as bring about a general sense of relaxation. It can support us to integrate big life changes such as becoming a parent for the first time.
Initially I was quite sceptical, but hopeful, and I tried to remain open minded. When I met Pauline, she was as peaceful and warm as I had imagined. I immediately felt calmer than I had done in over 9 months. Our appointment began with a chat. It felt so good to be able to tell someone how I felt and to be truly heard. Next Pauline invited me to lay down on the bed. You remain fully clothed throughout the treatment, so it is a good idea to wear something casual and comfortable. The mix of essential oils, serene music and the candlelight twinkling off Pauline’s collection of crystals made me feel that this was a special, almost sacred experience. The treatments commenced with Pauline holding her hands just above various areas of my body. The warmth coming from Pauline’s hand felt as if it intensified as the treatment progressed and eventually, I could feel what felt like gentle electric sparks hitting my skin. She seemed to intuitively know where I was holding tension and focused more on those areas. As I was suffering with post-natal anxiety a lot of my emotional ‘blockages’ were held in my root chakra (at the base of my spine) and in my sacral chakra (around my womb). After a while I fell into a meditative state. It was like an out of body experience. It was truly amazing. Time seemed to be irrelevant, so I am not sure how long it was before I heard Pauline gently calling me to wake up at my own pace.
As I came around, I felt an overwhelming surge of emotions and I burst out crying. Pauline reassured me that this was a very common side effect. Although I felt the tears rushing down my cheek, I was aware that I was not sad. In fact, all I could feel was intense relief and gratitude. I felt that something inexplainable and miraculous happened during that session and honestly, I believe it saved me. I followed up with a second session about 3 weeks later and I found that that gave me the extra support that I needed to maintain my progress and continue on the right path. It has been over a year since my first session and I have not suffered with anxiety once. I am able to rationalise any fears that come up and find my inner calm place. I have felt my heart open again and I have allowed myself to love my son without fear and embrace the vulnerability that that brings. I have also had so much more clarity over situations, beliefs and relationship dynamics that are no longer in mine or my family’s best interest and have gained the courage to say goodbye to them. In doing so I have been able to consciously create the life of my dreams. Just like a caterpillar enters the darkness of the cocoon, I feel that I have emerged from my own darkness utterly transformed.
I have been studying Reiki myself and I look forward to qualifying as a Reiki master next month and I hope that I may be able to support other new mothers in the future.